So the title sounds pretty depressing, but I think this will be a good way for me to let out some of the mistakes I make everyday. Especially all the ones I don't ever talk about. Hopefully this can be somewhat of a confessional. No priests or video cameras needed. Just me and God and anyone else who wants to read how I fall everyday. No judging please; that's all I ask.
Sometimes I forget what it was like to be a middle school student. How confused you are everyday. How obsessed you are with things that don't belong in school at all. How you're much more worried about what your hair or clothes look like than how well you did on test or if you're on time to class. I remember loving the time in between classes, simply because I might catch a glimpse of boy I liked in the hall. I wonder how many of my students think the same way. Anyway, my point is I need to keep those thoughts in perspective each moment of everyday. Instead of yelling at them and make myself look dumb, I just need to kindly remind them that they are in school and there are certain expectations. It's like a constant wake up call for middle schoolers. Patience is the key.
I absolutely can not wait to buy this house. I'm not staying on New St anymore. I miss my short drives, friends, and family, but I love the comfort and ease. I knew it was only temporary, so I guess that's what made it easier and less wrong, but I know I should have stuck it out. I think about it everyday.
Our school recognizes two teachers each month for their outstanding work, or whatever. It's finally gotten to the point where they are recognizing teachers again, when some have not been noticed at all. Of course I'm being selfish and am talking about myself. I think to myself, Am I not doing a good job? Is all the extra stuff I do not enough for them? Do they notice? What am I doing wrong? I've been there for two years and they are repeating themselves with who they are recognizing. I guess I just need some encouragement. I try to encourage my students because I always appreciated it from my teachers. I would still appreciate it. I feel so selfish. There are also several other teachers who do a great job who haven't been recognized too. It's like they play favorites. Guess middle school hasn't changed since I was there as a student. I'm sorry for my selfishness, please forgive me. Humble is the way to go and I need to remember that.
Food always makes me feel better and I hate it. Why is it so comforting? It's like I dream about what I'm going to eat at my next meal, almost right after I'm done with the one I'm eating! God give me control please.
I'll leave you with some Ben Folds to chew on.
I wanna ask you
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
what goes on in the other one's head?
